No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
