we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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