Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
