Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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