so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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