wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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