I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
