sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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