I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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