remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
