Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
