peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
