Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
