you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
