girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
