I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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