So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
