theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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