I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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