my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
