Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
