the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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