did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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