walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
