Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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