Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
