The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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