ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
