yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
