Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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