You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
