i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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