Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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