C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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