hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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