i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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