Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
