That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
