I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
