well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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