evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
