You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
