i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
