dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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