Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
third nipple confirmed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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