Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
