She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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