My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
