____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
