So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
