I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
