On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
the raccoons are back...
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