Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
