sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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