So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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