i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
