My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
