in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
