NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
