She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
